You Need to Keep Going
by elsiecarson
Summary: Set when Katniss wants to leave after Peeta's been rescued and she sees what's happened to him.
1. I'm Going!

"You can't leave here, Katniss. We need you here to be the Mockingjay." Plutarch says seriously.

Katniss immediately notices that Haymitch is not the one speaking. "If you don't get me out of here you won't have a Mockingjay. I'm done! I can't stay here and watch Peeta like this! We're both better off dead if he's going to be like this for the rest of his life! I hate you because you didn't get him out safely too! I finally had someone who loved me and he's as good as dead now! I can't be here knowing his biggest fear is now me! Get me out of here now!" Katniss screams at Plutarch and Haymitch.

Haymitch grabs Katniss and hugs her tightly. "It's going to be okay. We haven't had him for that long. He can get better."

"Why should I believe you? You've done nothing but lie to me! I have no reason to trust you!" Katniss beats against Haymitch's chest. "I love him and I can't save him this time!"

Haymitch sighs heavily. "I know how that feels."

"You have no idea how I feel! You don't have any feelings!" Katniss screams and cries.

"The Capitol took them from me!" Haymitch screams and pushes Katniss away from him. "They killed my family and my girl and I couldn't save them! I got them executed because of my stupid actions to save myself, so don't tell me I don't feel! Don't tell me I don't know what you're going through! I may be one of the only people in the world who gets it!" Haymitch screams angrily. No one is going to accuse him of not feeling enough.

Katniss sinks to the floor and bursts into tears. "I hate feeling helpless and I hate when you're right!"

Haymitch sits down next to Katniss. "Give us some privacy Plutarch." Haymitch murmurs.

Katniss leans against Haymitch as Plutarch walks away and she continues to cry.


	2. Advice

"I wish my dad were here. I could use his advice." Katniss sniffs.

Haymitch hugs Katniss. "Well, I know I may not be your first choice for someone to give you advice, but you're probably the closest I will ever get to having a child of my own so if you need any advice I'm here."

"Do I stay or do I go?" Katniss asks tearfully.

"You stay as long as there's a possibility of recovery. Talk to Finnick if you don't believe me. He stayed even though he knew she would never get better. You'll feel guilty if you don't try to help him." Haymitch speculates.

"I know you're right, but that doesn't mean it's easy to stay." Katniss cries.

"I never said it was going to be easy, but it's something I think you need to do for yourself and Peeta. One thing you need to do is stay as calm as possible for him and yourself. I know that's strange advice coming from me, but it's important." Haymitch continues to hold Katniss.

"You don't want me to go, do you?" Katniss asks with a sniff.

"No, I don't want you to go because I can't protect you if you go somewhere else and I promised Peeta I would protect you no matter what." Haymitch says seriously. He's grown to love Katniss very much.

"Oh Haymitch, that's actually sweet. I wasn't expecting that from you. This is just so hard." Katniss sighs heavily.

"It's always going to be hard. You've lost someone you love and that never gets easier. Take it from someone who knows. The biggest problem now is that he's still alive, but he's not the same as he was. That is difficult to cope with because you have the memories of how he used to be and he doesn't. You have to hold onto those memories now. It's more important than ever now." Haymitch doesn't sugar coat anything.

"I will stay Haymitch, but please, let's not talk about Peeta anymore right now. Just hold me and let's pretend the world is as it should be." Katniss pleads with Haymitch.


	3. We Have to Stick Together

Haymitch sighs heavily. He stands up and scoops Katniss into his arms. "Come on, we can't stay here. Let's go to my room and we can talk more. We have to have a plan before Coin and Plutarch come at us will all sorts of ideas."

Katniss sniffs and buries her head in Haymitch's chest. She feels safe in his arms and she suddenly feels as if this is what it must be like to have a father. It's not a new feeling, but a feeling that disappeared for a while.

As Haymitch looks down at the young woman in his arms he thinks that this must be what she looked like when she was a little girl before her father died. He pulls her closer to his chest and lets her cry. He sets her down on the sofa in his room and she lies down with her head on the arm of the sofa.

Haymitch pours himself and Katniss a large glass of water. "Here, drink this or you're going to have a fierce headache after all this crying you've been doing."

"It's so unlike me, too. I hate that I'm being so emotional. I don't understand what's going on." Katniss says tiredly.

"You love Peeta and it's a new emotion and all this is very raw. You're not used to feeling like this. You're not used to feeling at all. I feel too much and you don't feel enough so we're an excellent pair, aren't we?" Haymitch sits down heavily on the end of the sofa.

"We're a terrible pair, but we'll manage together. We have so far."


	4. I Don't Want to Miss Her

"Is there someone in particular you're missing, Haymitch?" Katniss looks at him and his face is tear stained.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Haymitch says with a sigh.

"Yes, I would. Nothing surprises me anymore. C'mon, hit me with it." Katniss teases Haymitch.

"I miss Effie. I don't know if she's safe or even alive. I'm so mad I couldn't get her out in time. I could have saved her, but it would have meant telling her the truth about our plan. I couldn't chance that she'd tell her friends and we'd be caught. I want her back in my life. I can't believe I just said that, but I wouldn't even mind her nagging." Haymitch says seriously.

"I don't think that's so surprising. You and Effie were close even if you didn't get along. I hope you'll get to see her again soon. We can save her Haymitch. If she's alive we'll find her." Katniss says gently.

Suddenly Haymitch is in tears as well. Ever since he was forced to get sober when he came to 13 he's been more emotional. "Why didn't I trust her enough to tell her the truth about what going to happen? She trusted me with everything and I couldn't bring myself to be open with her. She's not strong like you and me. I'm not sure she'll survive what they'll do to her. I'm sure that she still has no idea about what's going on in the outside world. She's being held because of her connection to me and I hate it so much! I promised myself a long time ago I would never be someone's weakness again."

"The problem with that is that there's another person involved in the equation. People don't always follow the rules that are laid out. Effie may love rules, but she's not always one to follow any of the rules set down by other people. Effie's going to be okay, Haymitch. How do you really feel about her?" Katniss presses gently.

"Don't ask me to say it. I haven't used those words for a long time." Haymitch says heavily.

"Say it Haymitch. Don't let the Capitol control you anymore." Katniss demands.

"I love her. It sounds so stupid considering how I always said terrible things about her. She was so patient with me and I was nothing but a bastard to her. She deserves better." Haymitch gets very choked up.

"Effie loves you, you know. I saw the way she looked at you and she told so once during the Victory Tour. I was going to tell you before we left for the arena the second time, but I didn't get the chance and when we were first in 13 together the time didn't seem right." Katniss tells Haymitch.

"She loves me and I left her in the Capitol to be tortured and possibly killed? Damn it! I've done the exact thing I promised myself I would never do to another person I cared about! I blew it! Tell me why she loves me." Haymitch shouts.

"Women need someone in their lives who needs them. Whether or not you realized it before, you've always needed her. She's been good for you." Katniss explains to Haymitch.

"Well, I need her now and she's not here. She always said she'd be here for me and she's not. I need her advice and her help. I don't know what to do now. I feel so lost without her." Haymitch admits to Katniss.

"God, you're more a mess now than you were when you were drunk all the time. Effie would never believe it if she saw you now. You have to stay positive for when Effie comes back to us." Katniss leans against Haymitch's chest and puts her arm around his waist. She's still crying and soon Haymitch's shirt is damp with her tears. Haymitch is also still crying as he holds Katniss in his arms. He hasn't been this emotionally expressive in a long time.


	5. Protected

Haymitch can feel the tiredness set in as he relaxes with Katniss. His eyes begin to slam shut and when he looks down at Katniss hers are doing the same. "I'm going to lay down and have a nap. You're welcome to stay if you want. I'm just going to grab a blanket."

When Haymitch comes back with a blanket Katniss asks, "Are you sure you don't mind if I stay?"

"I don't mind at all. We both sleep better when we're with other people. Hop up and I'll lay down first and then you can lay down and we'll pull the blanket over us." Haymitch casually commits. He's holding the blanket in one hand.

Katniss slowly stands up and takes the blanket from Haymitch. Haymitch lays down on the sofa and tucks a pillow under his head. Katniss lays down next to him and unfolds the blanket over the two of them. Haymitch sighs happily as he gets warmer and falls asleep.

Katniss watches him and suddenly realizes she's never seen him fall asleep of his own volition. He used to only sleep when he passed out when he was drunk. She snuggles down and, using Haymitch's arm as a pillow, she soon falls asleep. For once she really feels safe. She wonders if she should tell Haymitch that he's one of only three people in the world that make her feel that way. She smirks when Haymitch begins to snore. Every noise wakes her up now.


End file.
